This is a photograph taken by Kevin Murphy Photography. I definitely look older than this now, but who wants to pay a photographer to take what will inevitably be a worse photograph? I suspect I'll keep this photo now til I die.

What's An Abigail?

Hi! I'm Abigail. I'm a writer and this is my page. I'm actually writing this. I'm not hiring someone to write this in order to promote my 'personal brand'. I'm typing this out myself because I don't make enough money to justify hiring some writer to write my home-page for me. Or maybe I do? Maybe I make so much money I can hire someone to write my website. Yeah! Huh? Right? Yeah? That's right! That's the kind of success I am! But who would I hire? Which writer could possibly have the exact same style as me, a writer? Well, I can only think of one person. And that woman's expensive! But I deserve the best! As a writer and as a web-page owner!

And that, my friends, is how I ended up paying myself a fortune to write this page and owing HMRC a whole big chunk of moolah.

What do I do?

Everybody knows that people make their own website out of unbridled narcissism or to beg for work. That's the basic sub-text of all web copy. This text needs to fill the bits next to pictures of me looking better than in real life giving the impression that I am very successful and don't need the work while the sub-text screams HIRE ME. I'll demonstrate by putting the sub-text of everything I say in brackets and capitals.

I've recently adapted my first novel for TV (MY TV SHOW HASN'T BEEN GREENLIT YET GIVE ME A GODDAMN JOB). A sketch show I wrote for - Mitchell and Webb Are Not Helping - is about to start on Channel 4. (I'LL STILL WRITE FOR OTHER PEOPLE IF YOU GIVE ME A GODDAMN JOB ). I'm just starting work on my third novel (I DIDN'T MENTION MY SECOND NOVEL GIVE ME A JOB). I have various projects in development (THE WORLD WILL BURN BEFORE MOST DEVELOPMENT PROJECTS GET MADE GIVE ME A JOB). You get the idea. Why not try adding your own sub-text to the next paragraph?

Mainly I'm a writer but I'm also a recovering actor. Sometimes I fall off the wagon and act in TV or radio shows or do stand up. I also sometimes teach writing and acting.

I set up the Female Pilot Club with Kay Stonham and Emily Chase, but now they run it, brilliantly, without me. If you are looking for the club please go here.