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This is a photograph taken by Kevin Murphy Photography. I definitely look older than this now, but who wants to pay a photographer to take what will inevitably be a worse photograph? I suspect I'll keep this photo now til I die.

What do I do?

What's An Abigail?

Hi! I'm Abigail and this is my page. I'm actually writing this. I'm not hiring someone to write this in order to promote my 'personal brand'. I'm typing this out myself because I don't make enough money to justify hiring some writer to write my home-page for me. Or maybe I do? Maybe I make so much money I can hire someone to write my website. Yeah! Huh? Right? Yeah? That's right! That's the kind of success I am! But who would I hire? Which writer could possibly have the exact same style as me, a writer? Well, I can only think of one person. And that woman's expensive! But I deserve the best! As a writer and as a web-page owner!


And that, my friends, is how I ended up paying myself a fortune to write this page and owing HMRC a whole big chunk of moolah.


Everybody knows that people make their own website out of unbridled narcissism or to beg for work. That's the basic sub-text of any and all web copy. This text needs to fill the bits next to pictures of me looking better than in real life giving the impression that I am very successful and don't need the work while the sub-text screams HIRE ME. I'll demonstrate by putting the sub-text of everything I say in brackets and capitals.

I'm just starting my second novel (I HAVEN'T BEEN PAID FOR AGES GIVE ME A GODDAMN JOB). Before my first book I was working on a popular kids TV programme (GIVE ME A GODDAMN JOB WRITING FOR CHILDREN) as well as an hour long radio drama (RADIO PAYS NOTHING GIVE ME A JOB). I have various projects in development (THE WORLD WILL BURN BEFORE MOST DEVELOPMENT PROJECTS GET MADE GIVE ME A JOB). You get the idea. Why not try adding your own sub-text to the next paragraph?

Mainly I'm a writer but sometimes I act in TV or radio shows or do stand up. I also sometimes teach writing and acting.


I set up the Female Pilot Club with Kay Stonham and Emily Chase. If you are looking for my poetry I've got a separate site here so it's not ruined by all the facetious comments. 

​For books please contact my literary agent Millie Hoskins at United Agents.

For screenwriting please contact Jonny Jones at United Agents.

For the Female Pilot Club please visit their website.

For stand up gigs, acting  or teaching feel free to contact me directly.

If you'd like to join my my mailing list please fill in the contact form below. I promise not to give anyone else your email!